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Joke of the Day

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"I think having an abortion really brings out the kid in me"

"I never really liked the word syllable. It's seems pretty full of itself."

"I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat But the margin was too small to contain it"

"I named my dick ""The Truth"" Because bitches can't handle it."

"If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza."

"Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads"

"There are two pronunciations for uranus. Ur-anus and Ura-nus I prefer ur-mom"

"This cop spots this blond driving on the freeway knitting! Pull Over! he yells. No! She yells back, Cardigan!"

"I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The pinata is unscathed."