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Joke of the Day

"me: ""what is a librarian's favourite food?"" dog: me: ""SHUSHI lmao"" dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]"

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning..."

"What do Chinese monks eat? qis."

"What's a horse's favorite dance The Neigh Neigh"

"If you could choose between world peace and 1 million dollars... What would you buy?"

"I found this place online that sells authentic moon rocks. The rocks themselves are really cheap, but the shipping is a bitch."

"Queer Irishman Sean: Did ya here the one about the queer Irishman? Brian: No. Sean: Seems he was spotted leaving the pub at 11 o'clock with a girl. Brian: So? Sean: Closing time's one."

"Actually saw two young people talking today. Parents must have grounded them from their phones."

"Kissing the back of someone's neck is a sensuous thing to do. Unless it's a stranger in a queue in Primark."

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that pee in the shower....and dirty fucking liars."