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Joke of the Day

"The one redeeming thing about wearing a Women's Size 10 shoe is that everyone naturally assumes my dick is enormous."

"My favourite joke at the moment... How do you get an elephant in to a plastic bag? First you take the 'T' out of 'Tesco', what do you get? Esco. Then you take the 'F' out of 'Weigh', what do you get?"

"I used to be schizophrenic... but now we're ok."

"How are pirates like pimps? They both have gold teeth and say ""yo ho!"""

"I wanted to tell you a FedEx joke... But there was already one yesterday, and I don't want you to get FedUp."

"Did you hear about Bruce Jenner? Hes the first athlete to go from the Wheaties box to the Froot Loops box"

"Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat."

"Why did the geologist's wife leave him? He was getting physical (first joke hope you like it)"

"Today and Tomorrow are in bed... Today is smoking a cigarette and looks over at Tomorrow who is sulking and says, ""I'm sorry you never come."""

"Why shouldn't you drink at a math party? Because you shouldn't drink and derive."