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Joke of the Day

"I am on a seafood diet Every time I see food, I eat it."

"Mother Earth: I'm not a regular mom. I'm a Cool Mom. [humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature] Earth: This is fine. I'm a Cool Mom"

"If the Austrian Police had a Orchestra, what instrument would they use? The Glockenspiel."

"I got a banging sound system fitted into my car. Might make my job as a hearse driver more entertaining."

"My girlfriend and I tried playing doctor... She stayed over the weekend and I sent her a bill for $180,000."

"What does Samuel Jackson say when he is mugging you? What's in your wallet?"

"I just opened an Easy Bake Oven restaurant. Please call your order in, 17 hours prior to your arrival."

"A man took his family to the zoo The only animal in the zoo was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu."

"Damn girl, are you the Employee of the Month? 'Cause you sure do suck a lot of dick."

"Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)"