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Joke of the Day

"I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's gravy recipe was very specific."

"I'm not saying she's a slut but she did get fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job."

"Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm? Because it was humerus."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... ...and he doesn't."

"You'll have to excuse me. I've just been going through a weird time since birth."

"Where do you send Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder? Concentration camp."

"[Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table."

"What's the plural of compass? This one's best if you say it out loud. What's the plural of octopus? Octopi. What's the plural of compass? Cumpie."

"As a gay dude, having a boyfriend with a small penis gets me down sometimes. But I try to stay positive - I'm an ass half full kind of guy."

"I was wondering why my tap water was cloudy... But then it became clear to me."