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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck fifty, but deer nuts are under a buck!"

"We saw the german chancellor fall down the stairs ! AUA !"

"Sarah Jessica Parker? Horse."

"What do you call a woman in heaven? An Angel A crowd of women in heaven? - A host of Angels And all women in heaven? - PEACE ON EARTH!"

"Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers."

"When a waitress asks if I'd like to hear about the specials, I politely explain that talking about retarded people ruins my appetite."

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims"

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."

"My husband gets so cranky when I come home from the pool with only a fraction of the kids I left with"

"No, I'm not telling my wife the reason we need a new blender is because I didn't remove the pit from the avocado, that's between us."