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Joke of the Day

"Friend: I'm getting married! Me: Have you considered just letting a homeless man sleep on your couch, instead?"

"Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow? So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate."

"What's half of 8? 5. The other half is 3."

"How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers."

"Did you hear about the woman with 12 breasts? Sounds crazy, dozen tit?"

"ME: Where are the posters? WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! [In other room] *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*"

"Why did the sausage beat his kids? For being little brats."

"Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206."

"Best jokes come from real life. This happened this morning. The toilet is clogged. My wife and I both insist we've only gone #1. One of us is full of crap and the other one is full of crap."

"If I knew how to pull a rabbit out of a hat I would never stop. Rabbits are great."