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Joke of the Day

"Airline food is getting worse and worse The passengers on the Germanwings flight said it tasted like they were literally eating rocks."

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"Why is Light Beer like sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water"
"Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best? I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK."
"Everyone at this party is talking like a pilot.. ...they all keep saying they have to take off in the morning."
"I'm not the man you'd hoped for or even the man you wanted me to be. Perhaps you should have just once seen in me, the man I am."
"Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure"
"One thing that all us white guys from the suburbs can agree on is if a black guy has a British accent, we're 85% less scared of him"
"Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%"
"Life is like a box if chocholates. It's full of nuts and you only enjoy some of it."
"1900: Let's filter coffee. 1950: We need to filter cigarettes. 1970: We should really filter water. 2015: I want to filter my face."