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Joke of the Day

"Didja hear an LGBT singer just came out with a cover of that Santana Grammy-winner from a few years back? It's called ""Brooth"""

"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. I hope it's thinking about me too."

"I do shrugs at the gym with like 400 pounds just to show everyone how hard I don't care."

"I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers but I think 2 are cops."

"Idiot White Supremacist Why did the idiot white supremacist burn a cross on the wife-beater's lawn? He heard the abuser's wife had two black guys at once"

"Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life. For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire."

"I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands."

"What do you call a female Israelite? A Shebrew"

"I've been reading a book called 1,000 sexual positions'. I've reached position 176 and apparently from now on I'm going to need a woman."

"ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*"