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Joke of the Day

"Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in your life."

"I saw a deer yesterday. I asked it if it had any doe. It said yeah, about two bucks."

"I cannot wait for my date tonight. Dates really are the best part of ramadan"

"I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. Took me ages to get her husband's voice right."

"The authorities just apprehended a notorious cereal killer. When they asked him why he did it, he said... ... he did it for the Kix."

"It is so quiet in the Clinton HQ right now. So quiet you can hear an email being deleted"

"If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate,, it is not me. I believe I've been hacked."

"I'm always extra nice to the guy who used to deliver my mail. I'd hate to get into a fist fight with an ex-professional mail boxer."

"99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code Take one down, patch it around, 116 bugs in the code!"

"What is a KKK member's favorite board game? CROSS fire"