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Joke of the Day

"I'm the only child in my family. My mom said she learns from her mistakes."

"What's the difference between Leonardo Dicaprio and Sesame Street? Sesame Street has an Oscar."

"Two gentlemen walk into a bar.... You would have thought one of them would have seen it."

"I talked to a cannibal dog yesterday... He said it was a real dog-eat-dog world."

"What can I eat in the evening in front of the TV that wouldn't make me fat? Fingernails. XD"

"So there I was hanging from the ledge... When I thought ""hold on a minute..."""

"Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?"

"H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am."

"Things you won't catch me saying: What a great fucking meeting!"

"What did the triangle say to the circle? Why are you so pointless?"