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Joke of the Day

"[walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again"

"[Giraffe Weatherman] ""Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."""

"I illegally download music, but only Metallica. They seem to be pretty cool about it."

"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary, and those who don't"

"The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense."

"My wife is all, ""we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences,"" until it comes to a prison sentence."

"While in bed, my girlfriend screamed, ""Oh my god, it's so big!"" Then I saw the spider."

"Grandpa Me: My grandpa knew the exact time, day and year he was going to die! Teacher: What an evolved soul? How'd he know? Me: The judge told him."

"What is a clowns fart made of? Laughing gas."

"My parents were shot and killed in an alley feelsbatman"