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Joke of the Day

"[walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again"

"What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli"

"You can tuck a carrot into bed , but it won't know what you are doing because he's a carrot"

"I once dated someone with really smelly feet, the smell used to bring tears to my eyes... It was like someone was chopping bunions."

"Snake: eat that apple Adam:nah S:u scared A:no S:lol u scared A: *eats apple* S: whoa I didnt thnk u would do it lol sick now eat that poop"

"I opened the door last night to carol singers & said ""Do you know Silent Night?"" ""Yes"" they replied ""Well piss off then because I want one!"""

"I'm not racist. Some of my best friends are white such as Joey, Phoebe and Rachel. And I can't forget Chandler."

"How do you find a dead body? Download Pokemon GO."

"Why did the billionaire philanthropist spend his fortune bringing butter production to developing countries? Some men just want to see the world churn."

"Masturbation Sometimes I masturbate into my big pussy cat and jerk off into my computer"