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Joke of the Day

"Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time."

"Is your refrigerator running? Because if so, I might vote for it."

"why do sandwich fillings look weird ? Cos they're in bread"

"[Me and a friend have movie night, order pizza and do some acid] Me: ""Hell yeah"" Friend: ""Hell yeah"" Pizza: ""Oh hell yeah"""

"What does a redneck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common? Someone's losing a trailer."

"My friend told me that i don't understand irony... Which was ironic, because we were at a bus stop at the time."

"I want a flatscreen so big that I can't tell where TV begins and real life ends."

"No thanks World Cup, if I wanted to watch a bunch of guys unsuccessfully try to score I'll just stay on Twitter."

"""God damn it son. I'm not made out of honey!"" - Father bee to son bee."

"Why couldn't Hillary Clinton keep up her US presidential campaign? She was let down by a weak Constitution."