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Joke of the Day

"I'm really good at wrapping presents. It's a gift."

"Russell Crowe was arrested for biting a woman's face off. When asked about it, he said he was ""Glad he ate her""."

"On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next..."

"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE."

"I save a lot of money on makeup by just being attractive."

"There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter....if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them."

"Anyone wanna buy some housing in Baltimore with me? I hear there's a fire sale"

"I'm so proud of my African pen pal friend. He tells me he hasn't had a drink in weeks. I'm so glad, he's staying sober."

"I thought burying my wurst for a few days would improve its attitude, but it just became a spoiled brat. I'm sorry. That was completely terrible. I shouldn't have wasted your time."

"Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect."