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Joke of the Day

"Why'd the apple jump in the grinder? He was suicider."

"My friend gave me an EpiPen as he was dying. He must have *really* wanted me to have it."

"I spent over an hour at my wife's grave yesterday... whew, that was the longest I've ever lasted"

"A Gnome and A Reindeer take a picture together What is it called when a gnome and a reindeer take an instant picture of themselves - A S-ELF-IE POLE-ROID"

"Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome."

"Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either."

"Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me."

"I wonder how deep North Korean influence runs in america. Anyone could be a sleeper asian"

"Having kids isn't that bad, just don't have like the really young ones."

"What a few black wolves and a classic musician have in common? The two are Wolfgang."