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Joke of the Day

"Finding Nemo 2? I swear, if that kid gets lost again Finding Nemo 3 better be where child services locks the dad up for extreme negligence."

"I get carried away sometimes... Usually because I refuse to leave."

"seX I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"If I had a time machine I'd go back to Germany in 1933 and change my Facebook avatar to an anti-Nazi logo."

"Dude goes to convenience store and asks for cigarettes, gets one and warning reads "" Smoking can cause impotency"" politely asks ""Bro, give me the pack that causes cancer"""

"My girlfriend treats me like a god Now if I can only get her to stop being an atheist."

"A cop stops a drunk man and asks ""how high are you?"" The man replies. ""That is wrong English. You should say 'Hi how are you?'"""

"I'm so sorry What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica? Ice-is I'll show myself out."

"Origami was invented by a young Japanese child trying to hide his report card."

"Q: How many apples grow on a tree? A: All of them! ARRRRGHHHH FUCK YOU POPSICLE STICK JOKE"