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Joke of the Day

"What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party? I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor."

"Did you know tank tops were illegal until the U.S constitution came out? It gave people the right to bare arms."

"Remember that you are unique Just like everyone else."

"Let's have some fun! I'm up for anything today!* *As long as there aren't too many stairs."

"I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel"

"I wish we could still defeat bullies with synchronized dancing like in the 80s"

"The most disturbing thing about fossil fuels is when Larry King pisses into his gas tank and drives off."

"I was once a man trapped in a woman's body... But then I was born."

"My dad just had thought surgery and i asked him if he could still talk he said yes, and i'm about to email the doctor to see if i can get my bribe back."

"I'd prefer to read Yelp reviews from the kind of person who would never write a Yelp review."