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Joke of the Day

"Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat"

"Rick Astley will lend you any movie in his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner? All he got was a cold shoulder."

"I got gas for $1 today damn bean burritos."

"If Trump wins the election.... I hope he leaves us for a younger, more attractive Eastern European Country after a year or two."

"Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape."

"The life of a penis is a sad one.... His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him."

"Why does Bill Cosby carry around a nutcracker everywhere he goes? So he can bust a nut without having to rape anybody."

"It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty. But he had a great fall."

"Have you ever eaten a clock before? It's very time consuming."