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Joke of the Day

"[Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn't honestly think there'd be weed in your pot pie, did you?"

"Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club' 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up"

"""What does the fox say?"" Whatever the Rupert Murdoch tells it to."

"What do you call a 20th century grammar nazi? Alt-Write"

"A man is on vacation and gets a call that his mother-in-law has died. They ask him if he wants to cremate or bury her. He responds, ""shit You better not take any chances do both."""

"Did you hear Prince's sister is inheriting his estate? There's just one problem... She's just like their mother, so she's never satisfied."

"There's a difference between racism and fact... Niggers are stinky - fact"

"[NSFW] What do people in Arkansas say after having sex? Get off me pa you're crushing my smokes"

"How do you find the blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"My friend is looking for a single, normal, well adjusted man. I told her to avoid twitter."