25031

Joke of the Day

"First date: *puts entire onion ring in mouth* If yo'lik et ven yo'shoulla puh a wring owh it."

"You want to know the problem with cocaine? It's not all it's cracked up to be."

"I'm going to create a Mexican supremacist group called the ??? The que que que?"

"What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce? One's a grand car and the other's a grand car"

"My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist. Sorry... Alt-Write."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter."

"[answers phone during job interview] What's the address here? The Pizza Hut guy can't find me."

"[at Indian restaurant] ""Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"" ""Samosa?"" ""Oh no thanks, I'm full"""

"[Girl over my house] ""My ex boyfriend had this weird one-man-band thing. You dont, right?"" [Unclipping my harmonica holder] Def not."

"Define Irony: The opposite of wrinkly"