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Joke of the Day

"Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die."

"Olympic wrestling is the only time there is a ""Clean and Jerk""... in every other case, it's the other way round."

"Sinead O'Connor has gone missing whilst going out on a bike ride. I'll start to get worried when it's been seven hours and fifteen days"

"A kleptomaniac goes to see her doctor. She says, ""Doctor, my condition has worsened. Is there anything I can take?"""

"Ray Manzarek, Ric Ocasek, and Sting were talking about forming a new band after moving on from their previous bands. They were going to call themselves The Police Car Doors."

"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor."

"What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un? Kim Jong Un has control over his country."

"What do you get if you cross a retard and a graffiti artist? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence."

"When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me."

"If you marry an 18 year old they call you a cradle robber.. So if you marry a 70 year old, does that make you a grave robber?"