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Joke of the Day

"It's Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 6 for my wife I thought it was a good trade. Thanks to /u/darcyboy on this one!"

"I carry an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision. Usually, it's a rip-off."

"How come Americans never play chess? Because they are missing two towers."

"You know what they say about location in real estate? Not much but they say it three times."

"The horn quit working in my truck, so I'm hanging out of the window revving this chainsaw at pedestrians."

"Did you hear about the constipated math teacher? He had to work it out with a pencil."

"Drug dealing is a great occupation because if it doesn't work out, you can always tutor children in fractions."

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me."