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Joke of the Day

"How is Hillary Clinton and a high class prostitute different? Rich people pay the prostitute to fuck them, they pay Hillary Clinton to fuck everyone else."

"Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant"

"[baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby."

"Trumps wives were immigrants Proving again that they'll do jobs Americans won't"

"A wise man once said... Man who fish in other mans well catch many crabs."

"My son asked me what's it like being married. I said ""You know how you have to eat your vegetables to get dessert? Like that""."

"Do you know what the Steve Harvey autobiography is called? Neither does his publisher. He gave it a title, but then took it back."

"Friend: check out my conscience shell Me: you mean conch? *holds up to ear* Shell: you saw those kids get in that van and you did nothing"

"My dad thought it would be a good idea to show my girlfriend my baby photos. ""You haven't changed at all."" she laughed. ""That's enough of the naked ones, please."" I told him."

"My friend called me conceited the other day. That can't be true, though. Being conceited is a fault, and I don't have any."