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Joke of the Day

"How does Moses make Coffee? Hebrews it."

"I might not be the ""best"" father in the world, but I'm also bad with money & know how to beat a polygraph."

"[cat shelter] Me: so u don't test for it but u say none of them have it? Owner: we've never come across a cat with martial arts training, no"

"It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants."

"When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?"

"What is small, red and square? A small red square."

"Three states walk into a bar The first goes straight to the back and starts washing tons of dishes. The second orders a small Coke. The third one has no idea what to get. What states are they?"

"So an introvert throws a party for introverts... Needless to say there was a shortage of corners in the house."

"What did the sociopathic cannibal parachutist say? As soon as the people carrying soup cans in the backpacks arrive we can eat."

"My father was known for running marathons He never came back from the Boston one though But I knew that he'd say it was bomb I'm glad he went out with a bang"