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Joke of the Day

"A man asks his friend, ""What would you do if we only had 24 hours before the end of the world?"" ""I would fuck everything that moves"", his friend says. ""What would you do?"" ""I wouldn't move."""

"My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog."

"90s kids won't get this . . . Social Security benefits."

"What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk."

"Kim Jong-un has promised a new clear future for North Korea Oops, I spelled nuclear wrong."

"Who the fuck said, ""Less is more""? You know what is more? More, damn it!"

"What do you need to split a photon? A lightsabre"

"What's the difference between a cow and 911? You stop milking a cow after 14 years.."

"Grab a plate and throw it on the floor. Did it break? Yes? Ok, now tell it you're sorry. Good, now, did it unbreak? No? Now you understand."

"When a teacher closes his eyes why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!"