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Joke of the Day

"[girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]"

"Doctor, Doctor... I have a steering wheel in my pants. It's driving me nuts!"

"My wife has a tatoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh If you put your ear against it you can smell the sea"

"Joe: If you love it so much why don't you marry it? Jim: Hmm [Two weeks later] Jim: Meet my new wife! *holds up Joe's wife's potato salad*"

"What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy? Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke."

"What's black and sits at the top of a staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire."

"I fought in Vietnam I went there last year and some kid took my Cheetos so I hit him."

"Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some shit."

"What did the baby corn say to the mommy corn? Wheres pop corn?"

"Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll."