17356

Joke of the Day

"[girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]"

"*primitive gungans defeat battle droids* *Stone Age ewoks beat elite stormtroopers* *improbable underdog story defeats logic and reason*"

"If I can make even one person laugh on here then I'm not doing my job. The job I actually get paid for."

"Me and my girlfriend tried anal the other night... Me and my girlfriend tried anal the other night for the first time. didn't go so well. no idea how my ass is supposed to fit inside her vagina..."

"Now Donald Trump is president he really needs to answer this conspiracy theory Is wrestling real or fake?"

"If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth ... ... then it is at least somewhat likely that something very gay is going into your mouth at one point in time or another. Get it?"

"He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I'll ask again when he wakes up."

"It's black, and when it falls out of a tree your piano breaks. Your piano."

"so awkward when the bill for the wall comes out and no one reaches for it"

"[in the woods] Me: *rescues a deer from a bear trap* Deer: I have a boyfriend"