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Joke of the Day

"[hospital] ""The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live."" But does my hair look good?"

"FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food."

"No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates."

"Last week I fought for a woman's honor Apparently she wanted to keep it."

"A reddit admin awoke to the sound of a beeping alarm clock but pressed the snoo's button and went back to sleep"

"If only the person that named ""walkie talkies"" had been in charge of naming so many more household objects."

"What did the boy gun say to the girl gun? Wanna bang?"

"People who say me breastfeeding in public is 'inappropriate' ...should grow up. It strengths the relationship between me and my dog."

"My strange fetish is smoke detectors When they go off it gets hot in here."

"Why it feels so hard to break up with a japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."