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Joke of the Day

"ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday."

"Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour."

"If the Alibaba IPO crashes... Dibs on the term ""Ali-bubble"""

"Genie: I shall grant you three wis- Me: I wish my ex would fall back in love with me Genie: here's the thing Jeff, Kate's with me now..."

"Q:where do you see yourself in 5 years? A:I don't know i dont have 2020 vision All credit goes to /u/RegretDesi"

"Why do people browse reddit on the toilet? For shits n' giggles."

"Why does it take so long for a pro-lifer to screw in a lightbulb? They love to watch mistakes being made."

"3 Muslims walk into an airport and a metro station in Brussels, what happens? 216 virgins."

"There was a lot of this before MJ died. [img]http://i.imgur.com/oZxmOzJ.png[/img]"

"""Please punch in your account number, phone number and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!"""