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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a water fowl looking in a window? Peking duck. (it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)"

"My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard."

"If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra."

"Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep? Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects."

"'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun."

"I like my women like I like my coffee ground up and easily dissolved."

"Q. What do Robin Williams and Joan Rivers want for Christmas? A. Betty White."

"Why does the ocean roar? You would too, if you had crabs on your bottom!"

"""Omelet you finish."" - Kanyegg West"

"I had skylights installed at my place last night and I don't get why the people who live upstairs aren't okay with this."