172871

Joke of the Day

"What does a clock do when it's hungry? goes back four seconds.."

"Looking to marry a pharmacist. Looks and personality optional. Just don't lose your job."

"I hate it when you tell someone that you'll always be there for them and then they call you to help move"

"[internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers.. [me] I did [i] here's a story on panda cops [barely containing my glee] go on"

"""Pika pika pika!"" [translated] ""I'm sorry, children. Your father was stolen by a Pokemon trainer who has to beat a child named Gary."""

"What do Rick Astley and a loyal partner in crime have in common? Both of them would get raped in prison."

"""I'd like one personal pizza please"" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. ""Whoa maybe not that personal"""

"I just spent fifteen minutes wondering how mermaids poop in case anyone out there is looking for a best friend or arch nemesis or something."

"Wine improves with age, I improve with wine."