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Joke of the Day

"When a man signals a woman to walk in front & says, ""Ladies first"" it really means ""Go ahead. I'll stand back & watch how your ass walks."""

"A bartender walks into a barn... The horse says, ""Hey, why the wrong place?"""

"What do you call a skinny person with a lisp Methed up"

"Sweet Wife: Do you love me.... Sweet Wife: Do you love me just because my father left a lot of money for me? Naughty Husband: Not-at-all honey. I would love you no matter who left money for you."

"That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat..."

"Why do dogs wag their tails ? ""Because no one else will do it for them !"""

"I know a girl who is completely obsessed with Mexican men. She's a Pedrophile."

"With what do Mexicans use to cut pizza? Little Ceasars"

"What is Hillary Clintons least favourite instrumeny? The trump-et."

"My 10 year old: ""If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first."" Me: ""What?"""