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Joke of the Day

"When a man signals a woman to walk in front & says, ""Ladies first"" it really means ""Go ahead. I'll stand back & watch how your ass walks."""

"Why did the turkey cross the road ? To prove he wasn't chicken"

"The service on my iPhone is so bad I'm thinking of calling it my AOL phone."

"Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening."

"Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children."

"How does a jew make coffee? Hebrews it.."

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for children"". and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair trade"""

"Me: *singing ""Don't stop believing""* Joe: What are you doing? Me: Practicing for Journey duty J: You mean Jury duty? M: No, it says...shit"

"[bed] ME: [with one foot poking out of the covers] Monsters could get me ME: [pulling foot under covers] I am now completely safe"

"I know Mexican culture is big on traditions: baptism at birth, ear piercing as a baby, but what's the one they do when they turn 15? Have a baby."