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Joke of the Day

"I dropped my phone in the bath. I dropped my phone in the water. I put it in rice to dry out, it works now but i lost all my contacts except for my uncle bens."

"I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking, ""it's psychic."""

"Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies? They were too far out."

"Why didn't they let Voldermort play quidditch? ...because he'd always just Slytherin the grass."

"When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off"

"Miss Piggy can be a such a hamful to deal with"

"Nothing screams ""I don't care about being on time for work"" like hopping on Twitter first thing in the morning."

"There is no such thing as Internet stalking. Stalking requires physical activity. Fun activity like softly brushing your hair at night Sarah"

"Who'd win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer."

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""