172337

Joke of the Day

"Writers who become addicted to pseudonyms have to join Anonymous Anonymous."

"My kid spilled milk in the back of my car last week ... Now I tell people it has a stinky dairy-air."

"My wife heard it's seductive to bite her lip. I don't have the heart to tell her it's meant to be the bottom one."

"What do you call a lazy crocodile? A procrastigator (I'm trash)"

"Last night, I forgot about the Sun Then it dawned on me..."

"Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?"

"TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once Whoops, wrong sub"

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley. After months of therapy I'm finally battling my Damons."

"What was the title of the soundtrack to 'The Inconvenient Truth'? Al Gore Rhythms"

"People with little chains that go from a nose piercing to an earring probably just got sick of losing their ears."