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Joke of the Day

"My iPhone won't even recognize my fingerprint unless it's got crumbs on it."

"Who likes a good baseball joke? How can you tell if a catcher has the shits? The pitcher got some on his balls. ;p"

"People named Thomas, your nickname isn't ""Thom"" it's Tom. ""Thom"" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos."

"I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits..... He said 'how flexible are you?' I said 'I can't do Thursdays.' Credit: Tommy Cooper"

"I hit every traffic light coming home from work today. I should probably learn how to drive better."

"What's the difference between your girlfriend's yeast infection and the brand of peanut butter your Mom used? The peanut butter was easier to get off the roof of your mouth ..."

"Name's Bond. James Bond. *Drinks martini* Jame's Bond. Names Bond. *drinks another martini* Bame's Jond. *Drinks 1 more* THIS IS MY SONG WOO"

"What do you call a retarded Jew? Auschwitistic"

"What do you call a prematurely born Chinese baby? Sudden Lee"

"How do you turn a fox in to an elephant? Marry it."