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Joke of the Day

"My son, 5, scared of the thunder. I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all. Think that helped."

"We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we're in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER"

"Customer: You said these pants were pure wool but the label says ""all cotton."" Salesman: Oh that's just to keep the moths away."

"Jack Daniels couldn't be here today, But he's here in spirit."

"Have you ever seen the movie ""constipation?"" No? Well that's because it hasn't come out yet."

"Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on, and not to be covered in Baby Oil!!"

"What's your most messed up/morally wrong joke?"

"Lovers decided to commit suicide. The boy jumped first. The girl did not. From that day, started the concept of...Ladies First. @Laugh_Riot"

"New frightening study released statistic that as much as 25% of Women are diagnosed clinically insane Especially frightening because that means there is 75% walking around undiagnosed"

"""Chill out."" - Spanish receptionist saying Jill isn't in."