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Joke of the Day
"Why is Nazi cooking horrible? Because everything is burnt but with a Jewey center."
Next Joke
"Whenever I miss my ex I think about the things I didnt like about him... Like his hairy behind and his wife."
"My New Year's resolution is to stop eating so much candy, so I can focus more on cookies."
"Banks suck ass. First they get bailed out with $700B of our money, then they're like ""You can't use Wingdings for the font on your checks."""
"I always set my watch 10 minutes forward. I wanna be ahead of my time"
"Why did the squirrel swim on it's back? To keep it's nuts dry."
"A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the foreskin to make eyelids. Now he's cockeyed."
"The movie 'Up' is utter bullshit. I tied 57,000 balloons to my house & my wife didn't die."
"I got tired of resetting all my clocks after all the power outages this week. Today I woke up at the crack of random, blinking time o'clock."
"""are you sure these x-rays are safe?"" [doctor 12 feet away behind a lead wall] you're fine"