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Joke of the Day

"I told my disbelieving Egyptian friend that he was standing in a river... ...but he was in The Nile."

"If you want to feel the bern Have unprotected sex."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, ""That's a big word for a seven-year-old"""

"I once told a guy I was going to attack him with the neck of a guitar... The guy said, ""IS THAT A FRET?"""

"Pokemon go in Brazil I heard Pokemon Go players in Brazil can catch an exclusive Pokemon... the Zikachu"

"Girl, I like you so much, I might even let you hold my phone....some day, while its locked"

"A fat man is in the kitchen preparing vegetables The guest asks ""Are you cutting?"" ""No, I'm not."" ""You should be."""

"I don't believe Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back. He wouldn't get any balance laying on his shell."

"I invented a realistic sex simulator. It doesn't work on me because realistically nobody wants to have sex with me."

"""It is scary how much false attribution of quotes occurs on Twitter."" - Mark Twain"