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Joke of the Day

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb One, they're efficient and not very funny"

"New machine at the gym. They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it. They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, you name it..."

"People say that money is not the key to happiness... ...but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers"

"My wife asked me to play doctor with her... ...she is now waiting for three hours in front of the bedroom."

"My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba."

"What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs."

"Q: Why don't you wear snow boots? A: Because they'll melt."

"So, being ironically stupid is funny... But being an Ironic Sociopathic Murderer is still being a murderer? I'll never get people sometimes."

"I met a deaf gynecologist today.. Apparently, he reads lips. (Obligatory: posted this in /r/dadjokes, thought this sub might like it as well.)"

"I missed a call from a girl last night... I missed a call from a girl last night. I called her back, she said she must've butt dialed me. I said, ""Maybe your butt knows what it wants."""