171829

Joke of the Day

"Live tweeting tomorrow's hangover tonight."

"Dear Apple: When I want to say ""fuck"" & ""shit"" I don't want to say ""duck"" & ""shot"". So duck the iPhone! Oh, shot!"

"I had a break-through this morning... I should probably buy thicker toilet paper."

"Two toothpicks are walking the forest. When all of a sudden a hedgehog walks by. The one toothpick says to the other, ""When did this place get a bus?"""

"What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail? A small medium at large"

"Apparently, In Sweden parents aren't allowed to spank their kids. Like that would bother me, I don't do foreplay."

"Officer: How high are you? Me: No officer it's hi how are you."

"Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Does. Not. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has.Asthma"

"What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana? He Shanghai."

"Why must you be religious to join the Navy? Because it's a place of war ship."