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Joke of the Day

"[Guy goes on a date w me] Hm not sure if he likes me [13 more dates] Dunno? [Marries me] It's so confusing [Stays w me 30 yrs] How do u tell"

"Been married six months and I can't even remember the last time I felt lucky on Google."

"What do guns and millennials have in common? You need to keep them in a safe space if you don't want them triggered."

"I'm just like Bob Marley but not black or Jamaican or talented or dead but my hair gets tangly ."

"When I was young I was so poor I had to jerk off the dog to feed the cat"

"Give a fish a worm, he lives another day Teach a fish to worm, he becomes the best breakdancing fish around"

"How did 1337 Jesus escape his tomb? (X-Post from ProgrammerHumor) He used an encrypted key."

"I thought twerking was tweeting at work That's how out of the loop I am"

"My Girlfriend Called Me A Pedophile... I said: ""That's an awfully big word for a 6 year old!"""

"Why do ducks try to avoid eating out? They're always stuck with a bill."