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Joke of the Day

"Me: 911? My wife and I have been in an accident and she hit the windshield! 911: How's her head? Me: Her sister's better."

"Hey, yeah I'll be ready in a minute. I'm just going to shower and jerkoff. just kidding, I'm not going to shower"

"Why didn't the patient sue the dentist for pulling the wrong tooth? Because it was accidental."

"A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She looks surprised and says I don't have a headache!"" He says ""Aha!"""

"Did you hear about the guy with a jurisprudence fetish? He got off on a technicality..."

"Sleeping Beauty has a pretty good situation going on until Prince Charming came and screwed it up."

"What is the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard."

"Me: I'll write u a haiku! Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku. Me: *deletes ""how to spell high-koo"" from browser history*"

"what do you get when you cross epsom with a gun a salt with a deadly weapon"

"Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines."