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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'll write u a haiku! Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku. Me: *deletes ""how to spell high-koo"" from browser history*"

"Would an unfulfilled beer ad bikini model... be known as a sadder Budweiser girl?"

"What task was assigned to the last electron to join the military? Survalence"

"What do I and Ronda Rousey have in common? neither of us can last more than a minute :("

"Why did the eunuch farmer wake up late? he had no cock!!!"

"About to hit the ball Boss: you said you'd played before? Me: uh yes Boss: that's a putter Me: Is that wrong? Boss: wrong for squash yes"

"Canada has seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction."

"I tried mugging an old aged pensioner yesterday. I said, ""Give me all your money now, bitch, or you're geography."" ""Don't you mean history?"" she replied. I said, ""Don't try to change the subject."""

"What happens if you pass gas in church? You have to sit in your own pew."

"Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours."