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Joke of the Day

"Pro Tip: Do not let your kids push that red button in the elevator. The fire department will NOT think its adorable."

"Tits are like Legos I'm always stepping on them."

"There are three ways to spread news telegram, television and tellawoman."

"When I was a little girl dreaming about what life in my thirties might be like, I envisioned way more powerful enemies."

"A sincere apology is like coffee. Don't talk to me beforehand."

"why was the chicken population so large? because it grew **eggs**ponentially"

"To brighten your day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o"

"One sperm says to another... ""Hey, which way to the egg?"" The other sperm replies, ""I'm not sure, but we just passed the tonsils."""

"Who is the king of the pencil case? The ruler"

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and.... ....I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."