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Joke of the Day

"When I was a little girl dreaming about what life in my thirties might be like, I envisioned way more powerful enemies."

"I found a tumor at Bingo last night. It's okay. It was B9."

"The cops found pot on Willie Nelson's tour bus. In other news, water is wet."

"*Looks up from pestle and mortar ""Phew! Powdering this baby is hard!"""

"Most people think it is perfectly okay to recharge a battery. I think it's revolting."

"How do you know you've found Christopher Walken's house? It has a recognizable gait"

"My wife ran away with my best friend... My wife ran away with my best friend. I don't know the guy, but he made me a huge favor so I consider him my best friend."

"I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area."

"Graduations are so immature You can hardly get to the end without name calling"

"If one door closes and another door opens, then probably your in a jail."