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Joke of the Day

"Just watched a woman put on her sunglasses before walking into a restaurant, in case you wondered what living in LA is like."

"Overheard in 2nd grade class today: ""Do your work! Santa's watching right now."" ""Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago."""

"What do you give an octomom for mother's day? A spatula. Maybe she'll be more responsible making dinner than making babies."

"Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?"

"Dear protestors, Rosa parks refused to give up her seat on the bus, she didn't trash it. There's a difference. Pls don't crucify me"

"Whenever I wear shorts it looks like I murdered a fat toddler and stole his pants."

"What do you get if you steamroll a crab and a Korean at the same time? A crustacean :D :D"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank coffee before it was cool"

"England fans must be pretty happy right now. They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain."

"Any time I wonder if God exists, I think of women & I know he does. Coincidentally, this is also what I do when I wonder if the devil exists."