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Joke of the Day

"Sorry about all of the alcohol and drugs, my body, but I took two sips of water before I fell asleep so we're good."

"I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley."

"When I retire, I want to be a hunter... I wanna go out with a bang"

"What's a Rastafarian's favorite Star Wars character? Jah Jah Binks"

"you know how in movies the women always wake up with hair and makeup already done? I wake up like that but with a top hat&full tuxedo"

"You can run, but you can't hide. Unless you're a chameleon with broken legs. Then you can hide, but you can't run..."

"Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as ""grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube."""

"What happens when Donald Trump takes cialis? He grows taller."

"What is a chronic masturbator's favorite meal? Strokin-off"

"The Middle East Where you have to chose between a genocidal dictator or an extremist mob. (Well, except Turkey; they got it mostly together)"