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Joke of the Day

"I think Argentina is quite capable of deciding who it wants to cry for. Stop being so bossy Eva."

"WIFE:Did you get the spaghetti? ME:Better. WIFE:Better? ME:Look at this crazy, wild spaghetti I found outside! *hands just full of snakes*"

"Did you hear about the mushroom? He was a fungi."

"Doctor, my girlfriend grinds her teeth while sleeping. Dr: Put some coffee beans in her mouth and set the alarm for 7:30am"

"I wish my garden was emo... Why? So it will cut itself."

"Since lesbians eat so much pussy Should they be considered sexually snacktive?"

"Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke? I don't know you tell me."

"I told my girlfriend she'd look better with her hair back Apparently that's not an appropriate thing to say to a chemo patient"

"Someone called me lazy today, I almost replied"

"Being high in front of your parents is like trying to do your best impression of yourself."