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Joke of the Day

"""looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points"" - commentators on my snowboard run"

"I'm now on year 3 of the '7 day ab challenge'"

"I never keep toilet paper in the guest bathroom. They don't need that kind of incentive to visit again."

"If I had 25 cents for every time I failed my math test I'd have $5.13"

"I Am Not A Lawyer I ANAL."

"When I momentarily lack the ability to articulate my thoughts and use a preposition instead. That."

"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"

"What do you get when you cross egg whites with a bomb? A boomerang"

"What do you call a doll with a fiddle and a hatred of Jews? A Doll Fiddler"

"Man to very beautiful airhostess:- ""What's your name?"" Air hostess:- ""Eva Benz.."" Man :- ""Lovely name...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"" Air hostess:- (smiling) ""maintenance cost is same"" :D"