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Joke of the Day

"I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving"

"I invented a new joke. Plagarism."

"*catches 4yo putting on deodorant* Me: What are you doing? 4yo: Feeding my armpits. Me....as you were."

"How do you know when you've fucked an apple? When you're in cider"

"My new years resolution is going well, lost 10 pounds! but that was down the back of my sofa...."

"In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, ""Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"""

"fire works? buddy all fire works haha just some topical humor here on Twitter Online, where anything can happen"

"Mona Lisa's Mother If Mona Lisa's mother were Jewish, she would have said: ""Mona, bubbeleh, after all the money your father and I spent on your brace, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"""

"What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar? One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore."

"Why don't the French have fireworks on Bastille day? because they would all surrender."