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Joke of the Day

"[in the insect dissection room] Your fly is open."

"I'm so smart, I've got more brains than... Kurt Cobain's ceiling"

"What type of fruit can you not eat just one of? A Pair!"

"My neighbour has had a record 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone's throw away in fact -StewartFrancis"

"We're supposed to get snow, But right now it's still up in the air."

"JOB INTERVIEWER: it says here ur a postmodern deconstructivist...? ME: did ur parents realy name u 'Job'? especialy with a last name like urs?"

"I like my women like I like my tea... ...white, weak and you can't tell if what you're drinking is piss or not."

"Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush. I also pull out way to late."

"What happened when the host of Dirty Jobs said hello to a friend that was fairly far away? Microwave."

"Imagine a drunk porcupine trying to sneak into bed without waking his porcupine wife but his porcupine wife put balloons everywhere."